What Nakama Means - Robin
by Cloudedguardian
Summary: After the events at Thriller Bark, Robin stands apart from the rest of the crew, leaning against the railing of the Sunny Go, and staring out at the sea. Her mind dwells on something both terrible and wonderful, something that even her dearest captain must never know. But even still, it's alright. Because that's what nakama means. (Part of a series of one-shots.)


It was a secret.

It was a terrible, beautiful secret. One that barely half the Straw Hat crew knew. In fact, it had nearly split itself along the age line of the crew, leaving the eldest with the knowledge, and the youngest blissfully unaware. Franky was an exception in this, although to Robin that was no surprise. Despite being the oldest, well, second oldest now that Brook had joined them, Franky often acted as emotional and childish as the young Chopper. So really, that just left her, their new musician, the cook, and the swordsman himself.

It was only natural that Sanji had been the first to discover its entirety, as he'd stood witness in its way for a painful moment. It truly was only for a moment, however, before darkness had drawn the curtains on the first act for the cook, and he'd been unable to interfere any farther. A couple of Lola's crewmen had seen the second act, and after hearing their account, he had sworn them to silence to keep the secret between just them two.

It wasn't that simple, of course, for Brook knew it as well. Indeed, he had been the only one to see its creation from beginning to end as he hid his consciousness behind the blank mask that his missing face allowed. A part of Robin was surprised that it didn't seem to bother him, that there was no echo of sadness or weight in the skeletons merry laugh towards that secret- But perhaps, that was simply because, much like her, he knew so much sadness and weight that such a little thing as this was nothing but a whispering breeze amongst the storms they'd weathered.

Oh, and she knew, of course. She had eavesdropped on the whole recounting in that unique way only she could, and heard the entire first and second act. As for that third and final act, well, it wouldn't take a genius to figure that out, and she knew that Sanji was brilliant enough in his own right to have put two and two together. A part of her wished to ask Brook for the details, to press him for what he had surely heard during that time when they all had slept- but that would be revealing herself as one of the secret keepers too.

For you see, only Robin was aware of who else knew. Sanji was sure that the secret had stopped its travels when he had shut the mouths of the two awed sailors. Brook was positive that no-one could have known he had been awake, let alone that anyone else could have been conscious enough to bear witness. As for Zoro himself, well, a secret was a secret, and one he was determined to bear alone. Each was sure that no other knew of that final act.

Robin ran her fingers through her hair, allowing herself a smile. Whether it was through bitterness or the unusual and chaotic peace that the crew lent her, she wasn't sure. Perhaps it didn't matter. Turning her back to the calm, bright ocean she had been watching, Robin leaned against the Sunny Go's railing to watch her dearest friends instead. Nami was sitting in the sun at a white-clothed table, happily laughing with Chopper over a decadent dessert that Sanji had brought over with his usual swoon. Franky was rambling about some random story or another of some strange adventure with Brook lending an attentive ear. Usopp was off mixing up some new "sure-kill" concoction, no doubt, Zoro was snoozing just a few feet away, and Luffy was in the pantry again. He would surely get scolded again once Sanji finished his flirting and returned to his kitchen to discover the raid already well underway.

Her friends. Her "Nakama."

Robin turned her back to them and returned to watching the ocean as she felt her smile slip. Her nails dug into the white paint as her mind returned to the secret. That terrible, beautiful secret. No-one else could have known, should ever know, that she had seen that final act. She knew why all three of them kept silent, just as she did. The others were just too innocent. Franky could bear the weight of it, but he would never be able to keep quiet about it. The others, however… Nami would most likely take it best. She would be horrified, possibly even sick, but she would bear it, with tears and possibly a few nightmares, but she could bear it. Chopper on the other hand, wouldn't take it as well. Still, his reaction would be nothing compared to what Luffy's would be if he ever found out. Their captain would be crushed. The idea that one of his nakama would do that for him, make that kind of sacrifice just for his sake… Robin knew Luffy a little too well to think that he could simply understand why and leave it at that. Just picturing the look that would appear on his face made her throat clench. Pain, regret, failure- Self-hatred. He would only see it as a sign that he failed to ultimately win, that he had failed to truly protect them. He wouldn't be able to understand that it worked both ways, that they wanted nothing more to protect him too, that that was what "Nakama" meant.

Robin forced her eyes open, stared hard at the polished and painted wood, blurred together with the tanned skin of her hands. She blinked hard, forcing the tears from her eyes and allowing her sight to clear. They all had their secrets to bear to protect the others from the pain, it would be naive to assume anything else. Even after Enies Lobby, she still held secrets that were hers alone, that would do no-one any good to find. Like how torture left one's nerves frayed and adrenaline rewired even years after the physical scars had healed; how a single hoarse scream could wake you from the deepest slumber ready to fight or flee at the slightest provocation.

"_How was it?" _

_She didn't even remember waking up. Her heart was pounding louder than the Shichibukai's footsteps, her ears still ringing from the earlier blast. _

"_Just let me… Choose the location…"_

_Zoro. Where was he? She felt so heavy, it hurt even trying to move. Her eyes eventually found him, his limping form following- no leading, Kuma out into the forest ruins. She was sure her eyes were playing tricks on her, even as she struggled to keep them in focus. What was that giant red bubble, bobbing along behind the two as they started to move out of sight? Were they already so far away she just couldn't tell, or was Zoro truly missing his swords? Her mind felt muddled, she was scared but she didn't know why, she just knew she didn't want her friends to disappear from her sight. _

_It took barely a thought, and a single blue eye blinked back at her from the cross of the book Kuma was carrying under his arm. She closed her eyes to see her own battered body fall limp in exhaustion once again. The world was swaying back and forth, but it was easy to lock onto Zoro's still-dignified figure. It wasn't long before the swaying stopped, before they came to a rest just outside the forest, where the ruins of Moria's tower had formed a near perfect bowl. She couldn't hear anything, couldn't understand what was being said as that strange bubble was set down into the centre of the bowl. She didn't yet know why fear flickered across Zoro's face before being replaced with determination, or what it meant when he plunged himself into the middle of that crimson paw._

_There was so much __**blood**__. So much __**anguish**__- She didn't need to hear them to know that he was screaming, and she found herself both paralyzed with fear and unable to look away. Part of it was that horrified fascination that comes with bearing witness to any tragedy. The rest of it was her desperately needing to know that he would be okay, that when that bubble finished dissolving and withering away that Zoro would still be breathing. It was surely a good thing that her powers didn't allow her "flowers" to cry, for Kuma would have noticed then, but tears still soaked her cheeks; and she found herself praying to a god she wasn't even sure she still believed in, but was now begging to just let it be alright, for it to end, for everyone to be able to come together to laugh and dance and drink as they always had after a long battle._

_And then it was over. Zoro was still standing. She couldn't hear, but surely Kuma was laughing, she forced her gaze away from her friend to look up at her enemy instead- Robin could almost read his lips, something about loyalty, something about a debt being paid- And then her friend swivelled out of sight with the world's turn as the sounds of moving rubble began to echo around her. Her flower dissolved into petals no-one seen as she reopened her eyes to Usopp shaking her, asking if she was alright. _

_Alright? Of course she wasn't alright, but it didn't matter, she wasn't the one they had to __**worry**__ about. Then she'd seen Brook. He'd been so much closer to the forest than them; and she knew that he knew as well. His shoulders shook, but he didn't move. Was this a thing of honor, then? Something only another swordsman could understand? She took her eyes off the skeleton to meet Usopp's scared and worried gaze._

"_I'm fine," Robin smiled, eliciting a relieved sigh from their sniper, "Where are the others? Are they okay?"_

"_Ah, yeah, I think so- Franky and Chopper are awake, Nami's kinda out of it, but I think she's okay… Sanji and Luffy are still out cold though- HEY! GUYS! ROBIN'S OKAY!"_

_Franky had called back something that she didn't catch, instead allowing her attention to drift back to the forest. She wanted to go over there immediately, everything else be damned- But even as she got to her feet she knew somehow that she shouldn't. That it wasn't her place. She turned her attention instead to Luffy, to her other friends. Joking and fussing with them even as her nails dug into her palms with worry. The only reason why she could still hold her ground was that Brook was still steadily standing there, his gaze cast somewhere off into the forest. When Sanji had finally come to and had run off after him, it was all she could do to keep her face in a bemused mask as she watched him vanish from sight instead of going with him. Her legs had finally collapsed out from under her when Sanji had come back with him- Zoro was out cold, and looked like Death warmed over, but he was alive. She had just been so relieved. Nobody had thought twice of her reaction, as Nami had much of the same reaction, even if hers had been out of exhaustion and shock instead._

That day had contained a lot of sleeping for everyone else other than their very busy doctor- And yet, even Chopper had collapsed after he was sure he was safe in the relief that his friends would be alright. They'd slept for nearly an entire day. Then, she found her prayers quite answered in a spectacular party that everyone had partaken in- Even if Zoro had slept through the whole thing, she was sure she wasn't the only one that had noticed the faint smile that would cross his face when the entire mansion filled up with laughter and singing. That was four days ago. And now…

Now they were sailing together again on the Grand Line towards the New World. Brook was an official member of the Straw Hat Pirates, everyone was back to their energetic, and or sarcastic selves, and things on the whole were looking up. So why did she feel such an inexplicable sense of disaster? It felt very much like standing on ice that wasn't quite thick enough. Perhaps on the Grand Line it was simply to be expected. Perhaps it wasn't so much as whether or not the ice would break, but rather what would make the first crack. Robin just hoped it wouldn't be the secret. That terrible, beautiful secret.


End file.
